His Angel
by RobertDowneyJrLove
Summary: Set after The Avengers. When Tony tells Pepper about Coulson's death, his anger and grief hurt both of them. Tony/Pepper.


Afghanistan and the Ivan Vanko debacle seem like a faraway memory compared to the tragedy he's witnessed in the past few days. The sight of everything, of New York, of the death, of the destruction and of the mutual sadness and fury that was felt within the team of heroes was all locked away in that same dark place as Afghanistan and Ivan Vanko in his memory. He's afraid of what those memories will do to him, of where they'll take him. His sanity has been to the brink and back again, tattered and fractured around the edges. He's afraid of it crumbling away with every memory that gets locked away, with every memory he wishes he could erase. He doesn't want to lose what little bit of sanity his mind can hold onto. He has to hold onto it.

For her.

His private jet has just begun its descent onto the tarmac behind Stark Industries. He can just see the sun setting behind the mountains where his mansion is, streaks of red-orange and gold painting a brilliant scene on a blue canvas. His stomach knotted and the want, the desparation to pick up and leave again returned. It's a feeling that's not at all foreign to him. He had felt the same way when he had been hiding the tragic irony of palladium keeping him alive and killing him at the same time from Pepper. He doesn't want to face life after New York. He wanted to pick Pepper up and leave. Life meant dealing the media and with a death that none of them had been prepared for. Loki Laufeyson had destroyed New York, lives and the life of their greatest ally in a war they had been fighting far too long.

Phil Coulson.

He slipped that stony mask on, determined not to tear up. Coulson would be disappointed in them if they showed even the slightest sign of weakness over his death. He unbuckled his seatbelt and rushed out of the plane, onto the tarmac, eager to get to Pepper. He needed to see her. He needed to see the reason he was still alive. The reason why he didn't just let Loki do whatever he wanted with him. Within twenty minutes of landing, he's speeding around curves and thinking of nothing but the feisty red-head that waited for him in his mansion.

His brakes emitted a banshee-like shriek as he rounded the curve into his workshop. He shoved the car into park and yanked the keys out of the ignition. He was on the first floor within seconds and calling her name, desparate to see her. To hold her. To remind himself that he still has at least one good thing.

"Tony?" Her voice carried down the stairs into the living room. He can hear her hurried footsteps rushing down the stairs and when she comes into view, he had never thought she looked more beautiful than she did at that moment. Standing at the bottom of the stairs in one of his button-down shirts with tousled red curls and red eyes. "Tony!"

"Pepper!"

Neither of them are sure exactly how it happens but Tony's angry and hurt and he just needs the comfort of Pepper. He needs to feel something other than the sadness. Within seconds, he's pushed her against the wall next to the stairs, crushing his mouth against hers with a ferocity neither of them knew he had. She moaned into his mouth, sinking her hands into his hair and pulling his head down. He needed to feel her, all of her and know without a doubt that she was there and she always would be. He pushed himself closer, pressing and rubbing against her in a hot display of desparate need, reveling in her delicious warmth. His hands find her curves and he trailed hot, sloppy kisses along her jawline and down to her collarbone.

"Tony," Pepper panted heavily, finally able to breathe again. "Tony, talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Coulson." Tony murmured against her skin, resting his forehead against her shoulder.

"What about him, Tony?" Pepper encouraged him to continue, rubbing his shoulders soothingly. "Did something happen?"

"Coulson is dead, sweetheart." He mumbled miserably, pressing a tender kiss into the smooth line of her collarbone. "Loki killed him."

"Oh," Pepper breathed, feeling the tears sting her eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, Tony. I'm sorry."

Tony turned his face into her neck, breathing in the floral scent of her perfume and of freshly laundered cotton. He stilled his body against hers, loosening his grip on her hips and soothing the battered skin with a tender touch, feeling the hot flares of his temper settle. His voice is forlorn and hoarse when he finds his voice to speak again; "Sweetheart, I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. Not now."

"Hey," She tilted her face down, tenderly kissing his head in a manner reminiscent of a mother soothing her child. "I'm right here, Tony. I'm not going anywhere."

"Pepper, it was awful." Tony murmured, nuzzling his face into that delectable curve where her neck met her shoulder. "God, I never want to do that again. He destroyed lives, Pepper. Destroyed the lives of hundreds. Lives that they'll never get back...and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't help them. I can't bring those lives back."

"It's not up to you, Tony." Pepper whispered comfortingly, "Now shh. It's alright. You're home, you're safe."

"He didn't care, Pepper." Tony's voice was louder, if still a bit hoarse. He practically ripped away from her, his temper rising once again at the thought of the enemy he had just fought. "He didn't give a damn, Pepper. I watched him destroy eighty lives in two days..watched him mercilessly kill multiple people and not give a damn about what he had done. As if he was immune to killing, as if the lives he had just taken didn't matter to him. He hadn't thought twice about the people he killed...the lives he destroyed."

"Tony - "

"Loki was a monster." Tony growled, turning away from his girlfriend. "Loki was a terrifying monster and my only thought when I was out there with them fighting him is what was I going to do if he found out about you? What was I going to do? Hope like hell I could get to you before he did? It scares me to think, Pepper, that my role as Iron Man leaves you vulnerable to my enemies. It scares the living hell out of me."

"Tony, he didn't."

"Yeah, but what if he had?" Tony yelled, his brown eyes icy with anger; a dark, seething rage that burned through his veins. "What if he had, Pepper? I can't...I can't lose you, Pepper. I can't. It won't happen. I'll be damned if I let my enemies win this. I won't let him or anyone else get to you. I won't."

"Tony is this about protecting me or about not being able to protect Coulson?" Pepper questioned, crossing her arms over her chest. "You know nothing's going to happen to me as long as I'm here. Jarvis has a better security system than the President."

"Coulson is dead, Pepper. Dead!" Tony snarled, breathing heavily. "I don't want you ending up like him because I'm an idiot who didn't do everything in my power to protect you! I don't want to lose you like we lost Coulson!"

"You won't, Tony."

"You don't know that, Pepper!" Tony spat angrily, "You can't promise me that."

"No, you're right, I can't." Pepper shook her head, cautiously moving closer to him. In a huff of anger and vulnerability, he turned his back to her, not wanting her to see the tears in his eyes - and in a way not wanting to face her, after practically screaming at her. He looked down miserably when her hands slid around his shoulders, interlocking against his chest and her head came to rest just at the base of his neck. "But I know you, Tony. You'll do anything you can to protect me and no matter how much you doubt yourself, it will always be enough. You will always be all the protection I need, Tony."

Taking a deep calming breath and not bothering to hide the tears in his eyes, Tony turned in her arms, slipping his own arms around her petite body. She fell against him with ease, nudging and pushing against him in all of the right places. His temper calmed once again, ebbing down into waves of bleak sadness and mourning for his friend. He sagged against her, letting his shoulders slump forward and his eyes close, seeking relief from the burn of tears.

"Pepper..."

"You lost a friend, Tony." Pepper gently combed her fingers through his hair, her eyes never leaving his face. "It's okay to be upset, angry. Whatever you feel because of what happened to Phil is okay. It's perfectly normal."

He leaned into her hand, tilting his head into the warmth of her touch as he wrapped his hand around her wrist and opened his eyes slightly. Her blue eyes were dark and teary when he met them with his own teary brown orbs. It pained him to know that he was the reason. He was the one who told her about Coulson. He was the one who had screamed at her in the middle of his living room. He was the one who had been so angry and hurt that he had probably bruised parts of her body from where his hands had gripped her tightly, seeking the refuge that her body always offered him. Yet, here she was. Crying and probably bruised from the same person she was now comforting.

She was one hell of a woman.

He sank down onto his knees and carefully unbuttoned the shirt she was wearing up to her ribs. With the utmost care, he pushed the shirt away from her hips and almost immediately fresh tears burned his eyes. He must have had a tighter grip than he realized. The creamy skin of her hips were now marred by angry red hand-prints. He had hurt her. Physically - and to a certain extent emotionally - hurt her. There were marks on her body because of him.

"Oh god, Pepper." His voice was breathy and hoarse from the screaming and the shock of seeing what he was capable of when he was upset was palpable. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Tony." Pepper reassured him gently, wiping the tears from her eyes. "It doesn't hurt."

"Pepper...I hurt you." Tony brushed the marks with his fingers, careful the use the lightest of touches for fear of hurting her further. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I promise, Tony." Pepper shushed him, "It's fine."

Tony stood up again, tucking the shirt back around her body properly and took her face into his hands. His lips tasted of salt when he kissed her again. His kiss was tender, more apologetic and grieving than the rough anger and coarse emotion of the last kiss. His touch was tender and his grief evident in his every move. He was taking every precaution not to hurt her again. He didn't want to harm her anymore than he already had. He doesn't want to break her.

He's broken enough for the both of them.

* * *

**I have no words. None. Aside from this being the roughest story I've ever written, I'm just...ugh, I'm going to go cry now. Leave me some love, Dolls.**

**Love ya, **

**RobertDowneyJrLove**


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